Shrinking Me

So… my life kind of fell apart and I fell off the wagon.  Actually, I didn’t really lose it until after the holidays.  I had maintained, even with attending only a meeting per month during my personal chaos.  Then I gained a bunch and felt incredibly discouraged.  But I had made a promise and a new goal:

I will lose 15 pounds by the time I go to Seattle in June.

My best friend bought me a ticket as a Christmas gift.  This is an amazing thing, and I am determined to be closer to my ultimate goal weight by that time.  When I set the goal, I was thinking that I weighed 202.  Of course, I had gained about 8 pounds, so really I have about 23 pounds to lose by June.  I’m back down to 204, losing steadily.  I had a rough week due to a back issue, coupled with a shot of steroids that made my weight shoot up 4.4 pounds.  I dropped 6.8 this past week though, so I’m back where I want to be.

My reasons for setting this goal are very simple: I do not want to be gigantic in the photos from this trip, and I do not want to fly across the country with this much extra weight on me.  I became very lax in the program the past few months, but I am focused and motivated now.  My back has finally come back to a good place, so I have made a small goal to work out at least two days this week.  I need to be careful, because I was in a really bad place with my back just two weeks ago.

I took time to go through and use etools through WW to enter all of my weigh ins for the past year and a half.  It’s nice to be able to have a visual for that progress, along with a chart that tells me exactly when I’ve hit milestones.  I really want to hit my 50 pound loss by the end of February, and I think I can do it.  That’s 4 weeks to lose 7 pounds… that’s about 1.5 a week, with a little leeway.  It’s been forever since I have officially lost another 5 pounds, and I am ready to get out of this plateau I’ve been in for months.

My friend Monica and I email each other every day with what we’ve eaten and what exercise we’ve done.  This is helping me stay honest and stay focused.  I know that while Mon won’t judge me for eating something “bad”, she will be reading about it!  I see her doing such great things as she trains for a big race this summer, and I want to push myself too.  I know that I can reach my short term goals now, and those will help me get to my long term ones.  I would really like to be lifetime by July, which would be 2 years since I started the journey.  We’ll see.

So, now I’m working on my “Seattle Goal.” This goal means I am aiming for 187 by June 15th.  Another goal is my 50 pound loss which is 197.7.  The goal that will come first though, is below 200 pounds.  I haven’t been able to say that I was under 200 since June of 2006.  I’m going to get there, and my hope is I will see that in February.

Long story short, I am back on track.  I haven’t missed a meeting in the past month, and barring emergency or something I truly feel is more important (ie- a riding lesson) I will be at every meeting coming up.  I feel good right now, and I am incredibly motivated.

I don’t usually write raving reviews about a product, mainly because I’m not getting paid to do it… and let’s face it: right now I really need the money and would prefer to get paid!  However, I’ve found something that I am absolutely addicted to.

Smart Ones breakfast quesadillas.  They are 4 points for one and come two to a box.  I saw them and thought I’d give them a try, not thinking I’d end up liking them that much.  As it turns out, I love them.  They are cheesy and yummy, and keep my breakfast at a good point value.  I usually have a banana or some other fruit with it, and I’m filled up until lunch time.  They’re really good.  After I ate the first box, I had to go back to the store and buy three more boxes.  It’s something I fully intend on stocking up on every time I grocery shop.

In other news, I lost .4 last week, which I’m really happy about.  I would’ve preferred to lose a little more though.  I am .9 away from a personal goal of being under 200.  It will be the first time in nearly four years that I’ve been below 200 pounds.  I’m ready to get there.  I’m hoping that all the walking I’m doing with the dog helps me reach that goal.  We’ll see.  I need to add in some W*ii Active for some extra boost.

I’m starting up with horseback riding again in November.  My friends very generously bought me seven riding lessons.  Once I am below 200 pounds, my good friend Patricia will be sending me a check that she has given me permission to use for riding.  I’m so excited about that; the combination of the two is going to allow me to ride every other week until May.  My goal is to put away $70 a month every month from now until May, so I can continue to ride every other week over the summer an into next school year.  Hopefully I’ll get a second job and have no problem doing that.

Life is incredibly difficult right now, and all I want to do is sit and eat ice cream and chips.  I’m fighting that urge, because I know it is bad for me.  I had one day where I caved in and bought cheese puffs and ice cream… and I ate those cheese puffs over the weekend.  It’s what I needed to do.  The ice cream is slower going, thank goodness!  I’m trying to limit myself to a small dish of that one or two nights a week.  I have other, more productive and non-self-destructive things I can be doing.  Like unpacking.  And cleaning.  And walking the dog.

I lost my tracking journal somewhere in the move.  I’ll have to search through the boxes that are still packed.  Hopefully it’s somewhere; I really don’t want to have to buy another one.

This past weekend at weigh-in I achieved my second 10% weight loss goal.  I am now at 201.2 pounds.  I was incredibly proud.

Things have been very hard lately… moreso than I care to think about.  I’m hoping that the weight loss continues, because I need something to feel positive about.

Soon, hopefully, I will be under 200.  That will be a great feeling.

I skipped weigh in the week before last due to a conflict with a riding lesson.  I will never choose weighing in over getting on a horse, and that particular week it was a great choice because we jumped.  That whole week leading up to the skipped meeting I ate out every day, most days twice a day.  I didn’t think I’d gained much because my clothes were fitting.  Then last week I wasn’t able to work out much; getting back into the swing of things at school takes a lot out of me.  I also had a ton of meetings, and was recovering from that jumping lesson.  Going to weigh in had me feeling a little anxious, because I was expecting a pretty big gain.  I was pleasantly surprised when I was only up .2.  Given that I was expecting about 5 pounds, the .2 was a very welcome surprise.

I’ll be back in to the working out today.  I gave myself yesterday simply because I had so much to do after work.  Today I have nothing, and I know that I need to get back into being active.  The Wii Active game I’ve been using is really great, and I definitely think that I’m achieving some awesome results.

I went out on Saturday with Jake and got some new clothes at Old Navy.  I’ve been needing some new pants and shirts for work, and I finally caved in and got a credit card from them.  It has a low limit, which keeps my spending in check.  I got a lot of nice stuff, all on sale plus a 20% discount.  It was a good shopping day.

Today I’m wearing one of the new shirts and a pair of black dress pants.  All day people have been telling me that I look “great” or “skinny” or “really fantastic”.  They all ask me how much more weight I’ve lost, and I tell them honestly that I haven’t really lost anything since February!  I do think that the horseback riding and Wii Active have me losing inches, but there has been no real weight loss in quite some time.  It’s been so incredibly good to hear people tell me that I look great… it’s seemed that everyone I’ve seen today has said something.  Even our custodians!!

I’m hoping that really focusing on eating my points, avoiding eating out, and exercising hard this week has me down on the scale by Saturday.  I need to lose just 1 pound to be below my lowest weight so far, and I’m ready to get there.  I have about 35 more pounds to lose before I reach my goal, and I’m hoping to be about halfway to that by the time Thanksgiving hits.  I’d really, really love to be in a size 14 by the time I go home to see my family.

I worked out hard again this week… really hard.  Between horseback riding and the Wii Active program that I’m doing, I’m sore and exhausted but at least I’m feeling like I’m trying.  I ate out twice this week, once yesterday.  Both times I had pretty big meals.  So I was a little bit concerned that all my hard work would be a little sabotaged by that.

I was pleasantly surprised when I saw that the scale showed that I’d lost 2.2 pounds this week.

I know that it’s an amazing loss for one week.  I’m still operating under the screwy notion that none of it counts until I’m below where I was in February before I hit the plateau.  Stupid, but in my mind I’m still just re-losing weight.  And that doesn’t matter.  I have .2 more to lose before I’m at that lowest weight, and .3 til I’m below it.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m very proud of myself for working so hard the past two weeks and staying on track.  I’m going to continue on with working out and tracking and staying focused.  Hopefully I’ll continue to see results as I keep working hard.  I have a little over 3 pounds to lose before I hit my next 5 pound loss, and a little over 4 to lose before I hit my second 10%.

It’ll come.

I think I’ve mentioned before that I’ve been in a plateau since February.  I started having problems with my gallbladder, and gained about 5 pounds.  I lost a little bit, and then had surgery.  Every since then I’ve been struggling to lose those 5 pounds.  I’ll lose 2, then gain it back.  I’ll lose 4, and then gain it back.

This has been a very busy summer up until now.  We had a trip to Disney, then a trip to Mississippi… and all kinds of other things that have really kept me from tracking what I’m eating, exercising (other than riding), and going to meetings.  I truly believe that not attending my meetings has been incredibly detrimental.  I have not gained a great deal back… in fact I’m maintaining right around the same weight and have been for 6 months.  However, I have not lost below my lowest.

I made a promise to myself to get active and start focusing again as soon as I got back from Mississippi, and I’ve done that.  Last week I worked out 6 days.  Yesterday was the first day I’ve said, “I cannot work out today.” It was the right decision, as I was incredibly sore from horseback riding and working out on Saturday… and my back was threatening to slip out completely.  Today I woke up still a little sore, but fine to work out.

At weigh in on Saturday I had lost 1.8 pounds.  6 months ago that would’ve been fantastic, and my logical mind knows that it’s a great loss for one week.  However, I’m really wanting to get back down to my lowest and then lower.  I want results.  I know that I can’t have them now like I would prefer, so I’m continuing to push.  I pushed hard at my lesson on Sunday night.  I pushed hard today.  I’ll push hard again tomorrow.

I’m writing everything down.  I’m focusing.  I’m trying.  I feel proud of myself for getting back on track.  I’m hoping that by Christmas I’ll be down another 15 pounds or so.

After a very busy month full of traveling and lots of busy-ness, I gained about 4 pounds.  Of course, I weighed in immediately following a horseback riding lesson while still wearing my jeans.  Those jeans were, incidentally, soaked with sweat.  I decided before I weighed in that I wouldn’t let it get me down if I gained because we took a trip to Disney and I hadn’t really be tracking for awhile.

After that weigh in Jake and I went to Mississippi.  I missed the last two weigh ins due to that trip and a riding lesson that conflicted.  I promised myself that this week would be the week I really kicked in to high gear and started working at this again.  I’ve been so lax all summer, and I know that even though I’ve pretty much maintained… I’m not happy with not making any progress.

This week I have worked out every single day.  Monday I did one of the work outs off my So You Think You Can Dance videos.  It was pretty good, but I decided to try the new Wii Active game Tuesday.  I’m so glad I purchased it.  It has a couple of options when you first start.  You can go in to the 30 day challenge or you can customize your own work out.  I decided to try the 30 day challenge, and put the settings on moderate.  The first day it was a variety of activities… some strength training, aerobics via running and walking.  It did things in short bursts and switched between activities often.  The time passed quickly, and I could really feel my body working.  I was definitely sweating by the end.  There’s a personal trainer that guides you through every exercise too.  Today it was a different set of exercises that pushed the intensity a little bit more.  It was more cardio today, which I always like.  I’m not lying when I tell you I was pouring sweat by the end of it.  Perhaps that sounds silly; it is only a video game after all.  But it really does give you a work out.

I’m back to tracking my points too.  This is something I got really, really lazy about.  I know it plays a big part in why I haven’t seen any big numbers going away on the scale, so I’m trying very hard to stay focused on writing things down.  I’ve been following WW for a little over a year now, and I know that if I follow the plan I will see results.  I want to start seeing those good results again.

So I’m working it.  On top of the exercise here at the house, I’m back to horseback riding weekly.  I’ve found a place I really enjoy, and an instructor I really love.  I’m riding the same horse every week and she makes me work hard.  We’re training her, and working on some bad habits she has.  She has me sweating hard after every lesson, which I’m thankful for.  I’m starting to see progress in myself.

I’m proud of myself this week.  I made a committment to myself, and I’m sticking with it.  It took me a little over 5 months to lose the first half of my weight.  Hopefully by December or January I’m reaching my goal.

Soooo, in my last post I had just come home from a rather deplorable bathing suit shopping trip.  I had spent all morning trying on suits that looked horrible, and was feeling really down about myself.

The next day I made myself get up and go out and continue looking.  I had to have one for the Disney trip, because Mom and I are swimming with dolphins (eeeeep!).  And I was determined not to let something as stupid as a bathing suit mess with me.

I ended up meeting up with a friend unexpectedly and finding one.  She was an amazing help, and really saved me from the depressing task of shopping alone.  My time shopping with her gave me the confidence to go back out and try to find another suit.  The one I bought when I was with her was very plain, and I wanted to try to find one a little more girly.  I know… astonishing.  I saw one at Walmart that was inexpensive and I liked it.  It was a tankini though, and I wasn’t too sure how I felt about that.  In the end I bought it without even trying it on, because I knew that no matter how it looked I would hate it.  When I got home I put it on and… it didn’t look too bad.

Yesterday I took a very big step in my weight loss journey.  I did something I haven’t done in three years.  I put on a bathing suit (a tankini!) and went to the pool.

This is me with my friend Elyssa.  She just had a baby, and how proud am I of her for rocking that bikini!

Little old me

And it’s not perfect yet.  It’s still so far from where I want to be.  However… I was not ashamed to stand up and walk around the pool.  I wasn’t mortified to be out in public in that bathing suit.  I didn’t even pull at it or play with it too much.  I just enjoyed myself at the pool with my friends… which I have not done in a very, very long time.

I’m really proud of myself right now.

Even losing 42.2 pounds does not improve the way a bathing suit looks.

*sigh*

I’ve been really lax about writing here…

The main reason is that I have hit a major plateau in WW.  I haven’t lost any weight since March.  I’ve gained a little, lost a little, gained a little…. it’s been a vicious cycle.  I’ve hovered around the same 205 pounds for all that time.

And I’m frustrated.

I know that I need to focus on the fact that everyone hits plateaus like this.  I need to focus on the fact that when this started I had major surgery.  Immediately following that surgery I was faced with the most busy time of my school year… and I’m still not done with it.  My stress level is astronomical.

I’m still incredibly disappointed in my lack of progress the last three months.  I had been so hoping that I would be below 200 by the time I went on my Disney trip, and it’s looking incredibly unlikely that that will happen.

We have 7 and a half more days of school left, so I’m hoping that I’ll start being able to focus more and see at least a little bit of progress before the trip.

I’m struggling to stick with the program right now.  I know that I need to, but I’m just struggling.